New Cyberpunk (2019) Fotografía por Alex Grear

Photography: Color on Paper

This is the first photo shoots of this girl, model and immediately naked! I recently found out about this story on this girl's social networks!
A story from the life of this young model and her words!
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Everything was fine. Winter frosty evening. We walked, drank, drove home.
- Will you stay with me?
“Yes, good,” she answered confidently. After all, she knew nothing bad would happen. He promised her. He promised to wait as long as necessary.
-Let's go to.
Alcohol still clouded his mind. Need to lie down.
*
- Go to bed?
- Yes.
Kisses, good night wishes. She turns her back. Doesn't like to sleep with someone. It is difficult to fall asleep, sleeps anxiously, does not get enough sleep.
All sorts of bad thoughts begin to climb into my head. “Everything is somehow strange. This is all wrong. Everything is clear now. Yes, it’s understandable. ”
- You know, it seems to me that we will not be with you ..
Long silence. He heard everything. She is waiting for a reaction. He hears him sharply turning his back to her. He turns and tries to make out in the dark.
- Talk to me please.
- Not. I do not want.
"Something is wrong. Something with a voice. Is he ... is he crying? " Her head is still poorly understood after drinking alcohol.
- Turn to me ..
He turns around. In tears. She is ashamed that she could not keep silent. We had to talk in the morning. When everyone will be sober.
- All, please do not cry. In vain I said that. Oh please..
She is trying to do something. Feels stupid, confused. "It's all me. Forever I .. "
I don’t feel like thinking about what was said. I want to reassure. She doesn’t want him to cry. Kisses him. Wipes away the tears. He answers the kiss. At first reluctantly, and then sharply too persistently. “Strange. Okay, don't make it up. He loves you. ”
Kisses really became different. “So quickly distracted. It’s good that it’s calmed down. ”
He is kissing. Assertively. He wants to undress her.
- No need, why?
- There will be nothing, I promised.
- I am having a period. Everything will get dirty.
- Nothing.
"He promised the same." She still continues to blame herself for her words.
- Okay. Okay, good. I believe you.
Kisses Everything is in a fog.
“I'm drunk.”
“Yes, little one, me too.”
"What's happening? Why is he on top? "
The question interrupts silence:
- Do you trust me?
"What? Why this question. I trust, of course. Maybe he wants to talk about something? ”
“Yes,” she answers honestly.
Second. A second and it all happened.

Quickly. Sharp. He asked this for a reason. Fear. Panic. The heart beats in the chest, in the throat, in the temples. "What? What's happening? How could this happen? This happened..". She lies not moving, barely breathing. Numbness. Pain. Darkness.
"What to say? Suddenly does not stop? Maybe it’s necessary? Maybe my answer to the question was that was the agreement? ... "
Observation of the picture from the side. Loss of connection with reality.
She is recovering.
- That's enough, it hurts me. Stop it.
*
She woke up on the edge of the bed. I hardly slept: I tried to fall asleep more or pretended to be asleep. He's sleeping. I really want water and go home. Emptiness. Shame. Disgust. Rush. Need to leave. Right now. And she just runs home. Runs away and the next year thinks that she was the only one to blame tonight. “You are a fool yourself. I myself did not understand the question. She was afraid to stop herself. You are the one to blame. What is the use of saying now? ” And she runs home from shame, but it would be necessary from the rapist.
*
- You know, when we had the first time .. I did not want this. You did not ask. And then it was too late. I was afraid to stop. And then she decided that it was better not to say anything.
“Am I some kind of rapist ?!”
*
The girl comes home. Several years have passed. This man is no longer in her life. He reads someone’s post with a hashtag # I’m afraid to say. Recalls. Every word is answered. “If everything was then reciprocal, now there would be no such reaction. If I had already been let go, there would be no such reaction. ” Thoughts, tears, panic attack. “But I was not to blame for anything. I did not give consent. I warned that I did not want this. I believed the promise. They treated me against my will. Have I been raped? And then they pretended that it should have been so. What is the norm. I was really scared. Was this not visible? How could I think that I was to blame ?! ”
*
To force drunk virgins is not the norm. RAPE IN PRINCIPLE is not the norm.
*
Now I am still in the process of awareness and acceptance. In this situation, it’s easier for someone to try to forget, justify, simplify, at least not write. I also tried. And * she was afraid to blame herself and find excuses for someone. And fasting is a good (for me personally) way of remembering that this is impossible with me.


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